Echo to Nola

They say you can't go back again, and I guess it's true. The last time I was here I came with my best friend, Rabbit, and it was an adventure. The details of which will be told in detail at another time.

This time I decided to go it alone. For the past year, Rabbit and I had shared a motel room in a po-dung little town in the middle of central Texas. At least until he got sick and had to move home. LOVE YA RABBIT! I have been wanting to venture back to the Big Easy for a while but just never had the opportunity. So, of course, once the stars aligned and the Gods smiled down I decided to pile everything I possibly could into my little Echo and hit the road. YEAH ROAD TRIP!!!

Now the fact that I had been living in a motel should mean that moving would be easy right? It would if I didn't mind moving so much. Actually, it's not the moving I hate so much as the packing. It took me what seemed like forever to pack. Not because I had that much stuff. But because I had to fit it all in my car. Now I don't know if you have ever seen a Toyota Echo, but it's not exactly the most spacious of roller skates. It was like playing Jenga to make everything fit. One wrong move and my trunk was ready to pop open spewing forth a plethra of princess pumps and whatnot. Good think I know how to pack like a drag queen.

Ok, the car is packed and I've said my good-byes. Alright, my fuck you's. I'm ready to hit the road right. Um no. What are you thinging? I had to get my nails done first. I couldn't come to New Orleans with ugly nails. And nothing beats Sonic for a road trip so I had to grab dinner before I left. Yeah I said dinner. By the time I finally pulled out of town it was almost 8pm. Good thing I like to drive at night.

Now since I was travelling alone I plugged in my trip into the GPS on my phone. I figured between that and the Google maps I printed off there was no way I could get lost. And I was wrong. Google maps are a fuck fest if you don't know where the turns are they are telling you to take. Oh they give you the street name just fine. They just don't bother to tell you the town. Take a left on Main street, go 5 miles and turn right. Yeah that's helpful. And GPS is only as good as the signal the phone gets. Long story short, I got lost in Bryan/College Station Texas. But being a girl I did the girly thing. I stopped and asked for directions.

Boy was that a hoot. Google map in hand, I stroll into the first gas station that I wasn't afraid of getting mugged or hepatitis in. I walk up to the guy (yeah it had to be a guy) behind the counter to see if he know here such-and-such was that went to Beaumont. Now Beaumont is not a small place ya'll. So you figure the locals would know where it is or the very least have seen a sign pointing the way like yellow brick road led to Oz. Of course, he had NO clue what I was talking about. Dejected and lost, I figure I'll just keep driving then this other guy comes in to pay for gas. The clerk, doing a very un-dudely thing, asks if he knows how to get to Beaumont. Color me ecstatic he does. He then procedes to rattle of a set of direction that sounds like a redneck joke. Now I see who writes the directions for Google maps. But I get enough of a clue to point me in, I hope, the right direction. Hooray, back on track and chugging on down the road.

By the time I get to the next town, it's late, I'm tired, and my car was getting cranky. Mind you I have never driven her more than say 20 miles at a time and never over 60 mph. Needless to say she wasn't happy. And hell, I'm not in a hurry, so why not grab a room for the night and finish up the trip tomorrow. At least the room was nice.

Bright and early the next day, getting ready to pull out and my check engine light comes on. FUCK! Of course I start worrying if I'm even gonna make it now. If I didn't pray before I was certainly gonna start now. It goes off, everything should be all good. Until the Texas State Trooper pulls me over. DOUBLE FUCK!! I really start praying that I don't have any outstanding warrants I don't know about. That there are no drugs hidden in the car I didn't find after I bought it. All I could see was my face on some America's Stupidest Criminals tv show. My brain was screaming "I DON'T WANNA GO TO JAIL!". Well the trooper walks up to the car and in typical trooper fashion asked "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Like I would say "yeah" if I did. He tells me he pulled me over because my front license plate is in my front window and not mounted to the car. WHAT?!?!?! Of all the bullshit reasons to pull someone over. Thank goodness I got away with only a warning. (PS The plate is still in my window. It's that big white spot.)

After a mild heart attack, it was back on the road. At least during the day I get a little scenery. Too bad my fellow travelers weren't as keen on the sights as I was. They blew past me like I was standing still. At least they waved as they went past. Then it happened. About 5 to 10 minutes west of Beaumont my car fell out of gear. Oh crap! Now what. I'd put it back in gear it would fall out again. So what is a girl to do when she's afraid she's about to leave her transmission on the highway. She calls her mom.

Now my mom is not your typical mom. She did a stint as a grease monkey so she knows a thing or two about cars. She tells me to turn off the A/C then limp it to town so if it does fall apart I'm not in the middle of nowhere. Um ok. Don't see the connection but I'll give it a shot. Well what do ya know. It worked. My little bitch of a car had decided that I could either have air conditioning or 4th gear just not both. Needless to say I spent the afternoon inside a lovely little cafe nursing my $5 mocha until the sun started going down. Mess with me will ya.

I finally made it into New Orleans about 2am that night. And wouldn't you know it I did the same thing then that I had done 14 years earlier. Driving up and down Airline Highway looking for a place to stay that wasn't gonna cost me a fortune.

I'm older now and hopefully a little wiser. I'm trying desperately to not repeat the mistakes I made the last time. But I know this much, New Orleans changed me the last time I was here. I'm curious to see what she has in store for me this time.